Q: Where are you from?
A: Honolulu, Hawaii.
Q: OOOOoooOOoooooo, what is it like being from Hawaii?
A: It is absolutely awful. It is just constantly snowing. I’ve had frostbite, like, 563 times.
Q: How many kids do you have?
A: Four. Three from my privates, one from another lady’s privates who was once married to the Man. Before. Before I was married to him. Not during.
Q: You seem like you’re a genius, are you a genius? I bet people ask you this ALL of the time.
A: Oh, well, yes I am asked that A LOT. Let’s put it this way, my IQ is higher than a pine tree but lower than the Empire State Building.
Q: Are you always in a cow onesie?
A: Every. Single. Second. Even in the shower.
Q: Do you like board games?
A: Do you like oxygen?
Q: Do you like farmer’s markets?
A: Do you like NOT being repeatedly stabbed?
Q: Do you like reading and dancing and singing karaoke?
A: Do you like NOT having your eye gouged out with a rusty screwdriver?
Q: Do you like hiking?
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