Free-Range Fridays #5
Cake was such an arse because in my real-living-life cake does horrible things to me.
To be more specific—refined sugar, wheat, and dairy do horrible things to me. And ALL of those ingredients are found in cake. Corn is also not very nice, but it is not typically found in cake. Unless it is a corn cake.
“But there’s no such thing as gluten-intolerance, I read that in an article by a doctor that my friend’s friend posted on facebook.”
I know. Believe me, I have used that argument A LOT to rationalize buying a dozen glazed donuts and shoving them voraciously down my gullet. I’ve tried. Thousands upon thousands of times. Because I’m thorough in my research.
However, no matter how fervently I chant “gluten-intolerance is fake like unicorns” I still experience a wide range of nasty consequences and at some point I’m saying things like “Put the eclair in my left hand because my right arm has become too arthritic to lift” and “No I don’t want to go out, I’m due for some diarrhea”. At this point I begin to rethink my nutritional decisions.
I also actually like broccoli. You know what I don’t like? Arugula. But a cartoon arugula is not nearly as fun to look at as a cartoon broccoli.
I plan to create a lengthier post about all of this someday. Someday when I have the 80 hours it will probably require, because my relationship with food has a history of being seriously messed up.
As for right now I am in my second month of not eating wheat and dairy for an entire year. Why a year? Because forever seems too long and any amount of time less than a year makes me feel like it’s mostly temporary and meaningless, so I may as well shove some pizza and ice cream into my digestive system. I do, however, make exceptions for very special occasions. For example, if you were to take me to a $500/person dinner, I would certainly eat the truffled cheese spread and caviar crumpets.
WORDS! (Week 5/50)
Here for your nerdy pleasure are 5 of the top 250 tough/frequent SAT words according to Sparknotes.com. Thank you to also Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com. If I have used any of the words incorrectly, please do correct me in the comments! I would like to think I’m not fostering improper usage. That would affect my delusion of being a world-changing word martyr.
1. harsh discordance of sounds, dissonance
2. discordant and meaningless mixture of sound
WHILE TWO or three yaks are just fine, shoving one thousand yaks into a ballroom creates a cacophony that will drown out a string quartet. There will also be no room on the dance floor.
1. to persuade with flattery or gentle urging, especially in the face of reluctance
2. to deceive with soothing words or false promises
WITH A gentle pat on the head, a scratch on the chin, and an index finger slipped up the creature’s rump, one can cajole even the most reluctant of yaks to produce milk.
1. a misrepresentation intended to harm another’s reputation
2. the act of uttering false charges or misrepresentations maliciously calculated to harm another’s reputation.
THOUGH JOE had serious misgivings about Pastor Bob’s integrity, he did not want to compromise his own moral standards by spreading a calumny and had nothing do with the rumors about Pastor Bob sticking his finger up yak butts.
1. changing often or quickly, changing suddenly in mood or behavior
2. not logical or reasonable: based on an idea, desire, etc., that is not possible to predict.
THOUGH SHE had always been capricious, Marlene completely transformed when she fell in love with Pastor Bob. Even though there were now pictures circulating of Pastor Bob with various digits in various yak asses, her love and support of him never wavered.
1. kind or merciful treatment of someone who could be given harsh punishment
2. pleasant mildness of weather
ONCE THE court learned that Pastor Bob was not milking yaks but stashing cocaine in them, he was given no clemency and sentenced to 30 billion years in prison.
NOTE: I would LOVE to hear your own sentences made with these words. A lot. I would love it a lot. If a sentence or two shows up I may even weep quietly for a moment out of sheer joy.