FRF#8: Why I Didn’t Post For Three Weeks
It’s Friday! Do some squats. Power squats.
I have not abandoned my blog.
I did not post for three weeks.
I know for a fact I was missed by at least two people, which is 200% more than no people. Actually anything multiplied by zero is zero but let’s just move on.
It all began with a nasty downward spiral into the pit of doom-ful food, which involved me eating one crumb of something off-limits then declaring “Well I bit a dinner roll so I may as well eat five hundred cookies!” and hurtling full force into days of cramming every single food my body rejects down my throat as often as possible (post on this phenomenon in the works).
This never ends well.
This one ended with my acquiring what I fondly refer to as “The Croaking Lungs Of Death”, which I pretended was horrendously bad allergies for a couple of days before I could not pretend anymore.
THEN, as I croaked and hacked and dragged my self-pitying body around the house my youngest became ill with “Never-Ending Vomit Disease” and threw up FOREVER. She also did not eat anything for three entire days and became so skinny that every time I looked at her my heart would break for the starving children around the world.
I am not exaggerating.
It was actually quite worrisome and we nearly took her to the hospital a few times but suddenly she took a turn for the better and showed up at my bedside asking for food at exactly 4:11 am. She then showed up every ten minutes thereafter because she had slept for four straight days and was bursting with energy.
She is still inept at throwing up IN the bowl. In case you were wondering.
So that takes us through two weeks of absence.
The third week was mostly filled with me feeling extra failure-y about the first two weeks and bursting into tears after spending five hours in the kitchen cooking because: “I AM NEVER GOING TO HAVE TIME TO BLOG! EVER! AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED AND ALL OF MY DREAMS ARE CRAP! AND ALL I HAVE TIME FOR IS STUPID HOUSEHOLD CHORES! AND WHY DO WE NOT HAVE A DISHWASHER AND A COOK?!!”
I have since recovered.
I also realized that while it was a very hugely narcissistically GIGANTIC deal to ME to not have posted for a couple weeks, it was probably insignificant and possibly unnoticeable to everyone else. Not that I am planning on doing that again.
So there ya go the two of you who missed me, that’s what I was up to.
NOTES ON POSTS
In reference to “The Time I Nearly Froze To Death”
The Capital “L” in “BLame”:
I know. I may fix it someday. If I feel like it.
To give you a deeper understanding of the glory that is Rawlins, I’d like to point out that during my first summer there it snowed. In the middle of June.
It was also a known thing in the town that a woman never leaves her husband alone with her best friend because they’ll probably sex each other up.
The pastries on The Man’s desk:
The Man worked at an oil refinery and the employees he managed would constantly put donuts on his desk.
A never-ceasing torrent of flaky patisserie and sugary delights accompanied by cups of hot coffee.
These donuts then turned to fat molecules, which turned into a layer of blubber, which provided insulation not unlike that of a walrus, which is why he never bothered to turn on the heater.
He didn’t need a heater, he had donuts.
He had donuts on the inside.
It all makes sense.
WORDS! (Week 8/50)
Here for your nerdy pleasure are 5 of the top 250 tough/frequent SAT words according to Sparknotes.com. Thank you also to Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com. If I have used any of the words incorrectly, please do correct me in the comments. I would like to think I’m not fostering improper usage. That would affect my delusion of being a world-changing word martyr.
DELETERIOUS: [del-i-teer-ee-uh s] (adj.)
1. injurious to health
2. harmful; injurious
DESPITE KNOWING full-well that eating a single cookie would ultimately prove disastrously deleterious to her health, Angela ignored all sensibility and gobbled it up. She later, after inhaling every cookie in sight, said to The Man “Why did you let me eat all those cookies?!!” He replied with naught but a defeated sigh.
DEMURE: [dih-myoo r] (adj.)
1. quiet and polite
2. not attracting or demanding a lot of attention
THOUGH THE Social Anxiety Serpent sometimes made Angela appear demure in the past, she rarely appears demure now. Even in front of The Man’s deeply religious Aunt who finds Angela’s six-inch stilettos and fitted dresses abominations to everything proper in this world.
DEPRECATE: [dep-ri-keyt] (v.)
1. to express earnest disapproval of
2. to urge reasons against; protest against
3. to depreciate;belittle;disparage
IT IS difficult for Angela not to deprecate The Man’s dishwashing skills when he requires forty-five minutes and a playlist to wash twelve dishes. On the other hand, she now NEVER asks him to help with the dishes so he may be the more cunning of the two.
DERIDE: [dih-rahyd] (v.)
1. to laugh at contemptuously
2. to subject to usually bitter or contemptuous ridicule
THE MAN and Angela make a point to teach their children that it is terrible to deride others.
However, when kids are young their little brains sometimes have difficulty comprehending how statements of fact such as “That man is fat!” can come off as nasty and derisive.
Much to Angela’s dismay, that is exactly what her 3-year old boy said in Target one day about an especially huge human who then scooted up on his motorized scooter thing and, even though Angela apologized profusely AND made her child apologize, RAILED the boy for being horrible and rude.
Angela’s son was terrified and crying and she wanted to say “Well, how can you expect a 3 year-old to have control over everything that comes out of his mouth when you clearly have no control over anything that goes into your mouth?!!” but she did not because she feared the man would run her over.
She also was not confident her retort made any sense.
And she is generally non-confrontational.
And she is also no stranger to gluttony.
On the upside, her son has NEVER said anything about people being fat since. Lesson learned.
That was more of an essay than a sentence. In case you’ve forgotten, the word was “deride”.
DESECRATE: [des-i-kreyt] (v.)
1. to violate the sanctity of
2. to treat disrespectfully, irreverently, or outrageously
WHEN ANGELA was in High School, some nasty students from the rival school (incidentally the high school President Obama graduated from) decided to desecrate the grand metal sculpture of the school mascot, a majestic hawk, with spray paint. They also toilet papered the football field. And that just proves that Iolani is better than Punahou. So there.
Though in actuality Angela would LOVE to send her kids to Punahou, but don’t tell anyone. Shhhh…
MAKE THE COMMENTS A WONDROUS PLACE: I would LOVE to hear the fantastic stories you may have about being excessively hot or cold. Or about anything, really. And, of course, I always love your vocabulary sentences.